1. |
Sunday Night Live
02:12
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I wish I was dead
Every time I hear your name
I wish I was dead
Every time you push me out of frame
Something about those
Lazy Sunday evenings, though
Kind of makes you want to
Kill yourself, you know?
And you attack without
Any warning or provocation
And you erase my doubts
That your rage might take a vacation
Something about those
Lazy Sunday evenings, though
Kind of makes you want to
Kill yourself, you know?
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2. |
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You know they don't care, right?
That you cry, night after night
They forget you the moment they
Have escaped your grasp, victorious prey
You know they don't think of you
Unless you're obscuring their view
You're the traumatic thing they
Push down, the reason they pray
To that god that hates you so
Now let that self hate grow
Is that little car your ex?
The one you still tearfully text,
The one who made you think you're worthy,
Of more than this lonely misery
Never symbiotic, you're just a fungus
Did you think you'd be part of an us?
Your mom's tailing you, I'm sure
She knows you, knows you aren't pure
Knows what you do on those drives
Late at night, trying to feel alive
Dolled up, come back, smelling of smoke
Smell of sadness and sex even you can't cloak
She knows you're a disappointment
Knows it's you, not her job as a parent
We both know the pills don't help
Just let you pretend to control yourself
You're still shaking, still crying
We both known you aren't even trying
To control yourself, your behavior,
Nobody's lining up to be your savior
Your incessant whining is tearing
This family apart and it's scaring
Away the friends you could be making,
"It's chill," you say, your body quaking,
Because you had to answer a phone
There's worse problems, you know
Stop making people care about you
Stop reminding everyone that you feel blue
They're all waiting for you
To do what you always threaten to
End it, end their suffering
This charade is getting embarrassing
They'll all leave, you have an expiration date,
One year, six months, no one ever stays late
Flash back to making your mom shout
"What do you even have to be sad about?"
I'll give you something to be sad about
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3. |
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I wanna be a bottle blonde
I don't know why but I feel conned
I wanna be an idle teen
I wish I hadn't been so clean
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake
I wanna be a real fake
Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super, super suicidal
The wasted years, the wasted youth
The pretty lies, the ugly truth
And the day has come where I have died
Only to find, I've come alive
I wanna be a virgin pure
A twenty-first century whore
I want back my virginity
So I can feel infinity
I wanna drink until I ache
I wanna make a big mistake
I want blood, guts, and angel cake
I'm gonna puke it anyway
Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super, super suicidal
The wasted years, the wasted youth
The pretty lies, the ugly truth
And the day has come where I have died
Only to find, I've come alive
Come alive, I've come alive
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
I wish I wasn't such a narcissist
I wish I didn't really kiss
The mirror when I'm on my own
Oh God, I'm gonna die alone
Adolescence didn't make sense
A little loss of innocence
The ugliness of being a fool
Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?
Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super, super suicidal
The wasted years, the wasted youth
The pretty lies, the ugly truth
And the day has come where I have died
Only to find, I've come alive
Only to find, I've come alive
Only to find, I've come alive
All our lives
(Feeling super, super, super)
(Feeling super, super, super)
(Feeling super, super, super)
All our lives
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4. |
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If he wanted to, he would
But we both know he never could
Love some sad excuse of a girl
A monster like you, a human tilt-a-whirl
Never reigning in these stupid emotions
You know you're not worthy of any devotion
Not from him or from the knock-off
Version of him you know you'll never love
He looks at you, all moon eyes and honestly,
You're just wishing he would leave already
Just accept how disgusting you are
See through the smoke, the mirrors, the bar
Is so low it's in hell, you're future home
Build a summer house with your words like stones
Locked in this cycle, it's endless
No, you won't be loved, don't you get it?
Rinse, repeat, clean and shrink, baby
You can't even stand to look at your body
He was the love of your life because he saw
The truth of you and he called it a draw
Thinking that was all, but you were so intent
On proving him wrong, starting the descent
Into your worst self, too quick,
Into hate a year early, led by the tick
Of that IED you call a heart
Always see the end before it can start
You're no leading lady and you're not
Ever capable of being so hot
For him to put up with this shit
Even you know it's better to quit
The texts, the gifts, the constant need
To be loved and be told, must you always feed
On their love, their attention, their soul
Of anyone dumb enough to bring you home?
But he'll find a girl worthy of him,
You never were, you're not that dim
To think he didn't see the second time
When hid from you and your passionless crime
Too selfish to leave him alone,
Too cruel, you're a cold hearted crone
Give up the ghost, stop believing,
That anything could have stopped him leaving
It's all the same, all too well
Your inside joke, you personal hell
You'll always be alone, you know that
Tattooed on your heart, in the fat
Of your arms, your hips, belly and thighs,
Always saw the disappointment in his eyes
You know you're side piece, you always are
You know he never loved you and every scar
Is a reminder not to forget the truth:
Hell is other people and you're living proof
Hell is other people and I'm living proof
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5. |
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I believe in medication
And I believe in therapy
And I believe in crystal light
'Cause I believe in me, yeah
It's so uplifting, fuck yeah
I barely have motivation
They say I suffer from a lack of serotonin
Synapses, they happen too infrequently for me
To be functioning properly
I took the pills
I took the advice
The panic stopped
But still I'm not right
Racing thoughts and wasted time
It's the same old story-line
This is my nursery rhyme
And it goes:
I believe in medication
And I believe in therapy
And I believe in crystal light
'Cause I believe in me, yeah
It's so uplifting, fuck yeah
I'm barely off the medication
And now the walls are closing in again
I can't breathe
And I can't bleed
Will you be my alibi?
Tell them that I truly tried
To give in?
Whoa-oh-oh (hoo hoo)
Whoa-oh-oh (hoo hoo)
Whoa-oh-oh (hoo hoo)
Whoa-oh-oh...
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Rachael Libérer Louisiana
I am but a torch singer in an indie chick's body. One day, I will learn to play guitar better. Until then, I guess everyone is just stuck with my poetic lyrics and full voice
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