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Internal Monologue part 1

from Intrusive​/​Cathartic by Rachael Libérer

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about

Written in 2016

lyrics

You know they don't care, right?
That you cry, night after night
They forget you the moment they
Have escaped your grasp, victorious prey
You know they don't think of you
Unless you're obscuring their view
You're the traumatic thing they
Push down, the reason they pray
To that god that hates you so
Now let that self hate grow

Is that little car your ex?
The one you still tearfully text,
The one who made you think you're worthy,
Of more than this lonely misery
Never symbiotic, you're just a fungus
Did you think you'd be part of an us?

Your mom's tailing you, I'm sure
She knows you, knows you aren't pure
Knows what you do on those drives
Late at night, trying to feel alive
Dolled up, come back, smelling of smoke
Smell of sadness and sex even you can't cloak
She knows you're a disappointment
Knows it's you, not her job as a parent

We both know the pills don't help
Just let you pretend to control yourself
You're still shaking, still crying
We both known you aren't even trying
To control yourself, your behavior,
Nobody's lining up to be your savior

Your incessant whining is tearing
This family apart and it's scaring
Away the friends you could be making,
"It's chill," you say, your body quaking,
Because you had to answer a phone
There's worse problems, you know
Stop making people care about you
Stop reminding everyone that you feel blue

They're all waiting for you
To do what you always threaten to
End it, end their suffering
This charade is getting embarrassing
They'll all leave, you have an expiration date,
One year, six months, no one ever stays late
Flash back to making your mom shout
"What do you even have to be sad about?"

I'll give you something to be sad about

credits

from Intrusive​/​Cathartic, released June 25, 2022

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Rachael Libérer image

Rachael Libérer Louisiana

I am but a torch singer in an indie chick's body. One day, I will learn to play guitar better. Until then, I guess everyone is just stuck with my poetic lyrics and full voice

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